Just the facts, ma'am.

by Nick Smith in


First things first, I made a new video.  It is mercifully much shorter than the last two.  I was shooting for a quick one.  It turned out a little longer than I anticipated it would be when I was writing it.  It's kind of boring because it literally only has three chords in the same pattern over and over again, but I just didn't see anything else fitting in there, so I just let it go.  If it's a dud, it's a dud.  But I wrote it and recorded it so now it's out there and you can judge if it's any good or not. It's called "Cold Coffee."  Here's a link to it:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HTMVHpzPQM

Here's the lyrics:

When you see me walk in the door What do you make that face at me for? I waited a long time before I closed the shade, I gave you months before a decision was made.

I bought you a present, a box filled with caramel The box you gave me had old meat too rotten to smell You could have kept me there to do as you please, Every opportunity was right there for you to seize.

You're a cup of cold coffee you do what I ask But anything more is too great a task

I put on the records that I thought you would want to hear My beard grew long and grey and yet nothing was made clear Your magic cloak concealed what you thought you needed to hide I cut myself open just so you could see inside

The rulebook you use to determine all you do Halts my tongue from asking where I stand with you You taught me the most important lesson that I've learned When you open yourself up wide your efforts will be spurned

You're a cup of cold coffee you do what I ask But anything more is too great a task.

Feedback is always always always always appreciated.  In whatever form you wish.   As long as it's something I can receive and understand.

Anyway, I was rejiggering my Facebook page today and was doing the About Me section which is always a minefield.  I started writing facts about myself.  Then I decided that I was putting them in the wrong place.  They belong here.  This isn't some chain thing.  It's not some "Write 25 (blank) and pass it on to all your friends!" things.  I just decided to write some facts about myself.

Facts:
1. If you shaved off my hair and my eyebrows, I'd probably look really weird.
2. I have never personally witnessed a major historical event.
3. I haven't pitched in about 8 years, so I have no idea where my fastball is at right now.  I'd guess somewhere in the '60s.

4. I don't know what I weigh.  I'm sure I wouldn't be thrilled about it if I did, though.

5. I go through wallets at a strangely rapid pace.  I've never lost one, they just get shredded in my pocket.  But actually my current one's been around a while.  Must be that I don't try to carry change in it as much anymore.

6. I don't really believe in guilty pleasures.  I like what I like.  If you think I should be ashamed of it, then you're wrong.

7. I suck at reading books.  It's not that I don't like reading books.  It's just not something where I'm sitting around bored and I say, "I know!  I'll go read a book!"  I wish I was that way.  But I'm not.  But I still haven't finished the Dune series and I started Chapterhouse well over a year ago (although I have started and finished other books since).

8. I am a pretty smart guy, but I only like using my brain for my own purposes.  That's probably part of the reason I struggled so much in college.  I just never really bought into what I was learning (except music).  I don't think I can live my life with a career where I'm actively using my brain and making decisions unless it springs from my own desires (namely music or comedy, maybe sportswriting).

9. I only hate chores before I start doing them.  I am terrible about putting them off.  Then I start doing them and the repetition and the patterns are comforting and let my mind wander onto whatever I choose to dwell on.  I could probably do mindless tasks for a living, but it's difficult getting a job doing that kind of stuff that really pays well.

10. I can learn to like many things I hate by gradually exposing myself to them until they don't bother me anymore.  I did this with tomatoes recently and am much better off for it.  This does not apply to Bob Seger's music.  He still sucks.  He will always suck.

11. I came very close to qualifying for the National Spelling Bee when I was in 6th Grade.  I'm still really good at spelling.

12. I'm a trivia nut.  The inside of my brain is a carefully organized library of facts, names, places, dates, and titles.  You push the right button, you'd be surprised at the stuff I can pull out of thin air.

13. I don't really get visual art (painting & sculpture mainly).  I understand that there's a lot of important stuff going on, but I don't know what it is and I don't have time to learn.  I'll stick to putting sounds and/or words together in interesting ways.

14. I played football for two years.  I think I was pretty good, but I didn't get to play a lot because I was a tight end and all the other tight ends were coaches' sons.  I bet I probably could've been pretty decent if I'd stuck with it.

15. I am a very good bowler.   The best game I ever had was a 269.

16. I think 24 hours is too short a day for my body.  No matter what I do it always wants to stay up later and sleep in later.  I hate mornings.

17. I hate my hair.  It is only rarely that I think it looks good and that's probably because I can't see the back.  The back is always way too long for the front no matter what I do and I always think it looks ridiculous.

18. In 4 years I never made the Prankster web, although if I had made it during my first three it would've been really bad.

19. My opinions fluctuate wildly.  Especially my political opinions.  And often my values as well.

20. I don't trust prime numbers higher than 11.  I don't really have a reason.  I guess that I just feel like if a number's that large and it doesn't have a multiple that isn't 1, it's gotta be doing SOMETHING wrong.

21. I hate being cold.  I'd take 100 degrees over 10 degrees any day of the year.

22. I've never really been in a fight.  I'd probably get my ass kicked if I did.

23. I hate making phone calls.  Unless I am very close with a person, I am terrified of dialing a number and getting someone on the phone.  For some reason I have this feeling that no one wants to talk to me and that I am impose a major inconvenience with the brief exchange of information that I seek.  It's not rational, but it's just how I feel.  Also I leave terrible messages.

24. I think time travel is a ridiculous concept.  I think the only uses of it that I ever really liked are Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Back To The Future.  It often just raises such an absurd number of questions that it is literally impossible to make a time travel story without swallowing a tremendous amount of doubt.

25. My mind works in a very linear fashion.  I always do things from start to finish.  I never work on stuff jumping around from section to section.  When I write a song I start with the first verse and finish with the last verse.  I also hate editing my own work because I cannot really see the flaws in it by myself.

26. 26 is my lucky number, so I guess I'm going to end on it.  I don't know why it's my lucky number.  I just started using it for e-mail addresses and stuff a long time ago and it became my lucky number I guess.  It's as good a number as any.  And thankfully it's not prime.

Stop surrounding yourself with yourself, Nick

That's why I said, "Wasn't it."