Moving forward standing still

by Nick Smith in


It's been a while since I've sort of updated you as to what is going on in my life. I have moved back in with my parents. The world surprisingly did not end in the process. I am fully aware how silly this sounds, but if you had told me this a month ago I would have laughed in your face and then went back to being a spazz. Then I moved home, and the day I moved home was a VERY VERY good day. My parents and I got along really really well. I had a fabulous phone conversation with a very good friend of mine. Being at home does not hold me back from achieving goals, and it isn't a problem unless it becomes a permanent arrangement. I decided that now was not the right time for me to dive into a new life in Wisconsin unprepared. I had my heart set on it, then I came home and realized that while I love Madison very much, the driving need to get away from home that was the true catalyst was built on irrational fears. It doesn't mean I'll never go to Wisconsin again. It's still a place that is very near and dear to my heart, and I hope to visit soon, but moving there now is just not in the cards.

So I've decided to remain in the Rochester area for the foreseeable future. I am taking some online classes at the local community college to fill in the gaping holes in my education I did not address in college because I was too busy throwing myself at a major I had no business pursuing. Me and math were very good friends in high school until I hit calculus, which was taught by an INSANE Vietnam Vet whose intensity fluctuated like a sine wave.  So I chickened out senior year and took stats instead of AP calc just to get out of his classroom.  Because he was insane. And it is very difficult to learn complicated mathematical concepts from a madman.

So I avoided math classes in college because I was terrified of calculus because I had not yet figured out that the MAIN reason I sucked at it was due to crazy teacher instead of dumb Nick. Now having graduated college and having difficulty finding careery jobs without a graduate degree, and being terrified of going in for more years of reading and writing dense academic stuff I have no interest in (and crushing my soul even more in the process!), I figure I might as well work toward a graduate degree in something that will make me not the terrible mess I was in college.

I loved EVERYTHING about college except the (non-music) classes.  Because I didn't really know how to pick a major, and I was vaguely interested in politics, and I entertained the possibility of going to law school I chose the major. I had a hard time with it, but then I watched the West Wing at the wrong time and by that point I felt it was too late to change to something that made more sense for me. So I gutted it out and graduated with a bachelors in Political Science by the skin of my teeth, and then entered the real world and was greeted by the realization that there aren't a lot of companies desperately seeking people with no more than a BA in Political Science. And the jobs that I could get did not inspire me all that much. So I need to get some new learning in my head that meshes a little better with me. Math did that in the past. Hopefully math can do it again.

So I'm going to get some sort of job around here. And take classes. And take things as they may come. Hopefully sometime in the next year I'll be able to afford to get out of my parents' house.

Unfortunately in the time since I have been home, I have lost a lot of my focus on things that are important to me, especially my music and my blogging. I am still playing guitar, but I haven't written anything in weeks, just playing stuff I already wrote and covers. And I haven't been putting much up here. Just ramblings about how bad the Bills are. Hopefully I can regain my focus on these things. For example: I'm writing here right now, and I'm going to go buy guitar strings tomorrow so I can get some writing done. Maybe I can get out some of the old equipment and play some bass or electric guitar. I do miss playing heavier music. The acoustic guitar is a magnificent instrument, but I do miss being able to rock the fuck out.

Also, fair warning, I am legally allowed to write about religion and politics again. Since I worked for the federal government there were laws that made it verboten for me to use my status as a federal employee to push any religious or political agendas, so to be on the safe side I abstained from such commentary. I'm probably not gonna write a lot about them here, but they are now fair game, and when I have opinions about something, I may express them here.

So yeah. That's pretty much where I am.  Oh yeah.  I'm bowling again.  I bowl. It's something I do. Were you really THAT surprised?

Huggles, Nick

Does it matter which hand you put it in?